I’m totally estranged from my family. For a number of reasons I won’t discuss here, things got more and more tense until it reached a breaking point at which point I stopped answering their phone calls and didn’t give them a forwarding address when I moved and now, 6-8 moves and almost 20 years later we’ve lost touch.
And now I feel another similar thing coming on in my life. Things are awkward between me and a former loved one. Where years ago we enjoyed each others’ company, I’ve strayed and now when it even looks like they’re coming around I start to tense up. And when they’re around I find myself depressed and watching the clock waiting for them to leave.
It’s pretty horrible, because their visits are pretty long. Usually they show up about now and stay until sometime in March or even as late as April. That’s a long time to be sitting around poisoning one’s mind with frequent thoughts of “I hate you, I wish you’d just go.” And as you can imagine it takes a bit of an emotional toll.
OK, to all those people who came here through a search for “Sage Todd Divorce” on google a couple years ago when my company sent me off to Quebec City on business for 8 months, quit nodding to yourselves, you’re wrong. The one I’m having trouble getting along with is winter.
I used to like winter. As a kid growing up in Vermont I would spend hours outside with friends sledding. I remember going hiking in the woods in the middle of winter, breaking holes through iced over brooks to get a drink. But now the cold drives me crazy. The same level of discomfort that has Sage running screaming for air conditioning in July (while I bask in the 35°C day imagining myself to be storing the heat up for the winter) makes me do all I can to avoid going outside in the winter. The end result is a pretty dismal 5 months spent mostly indoors – except for those times I’m outside on the way somewhere – usually as quickly as I can to minimize the amount of time spent in the cold.
It gets me through the winter for sure, but every year I dread the time more. It’s to the point now where I’m having fantasies about work assignments in the southern hemisphere – or better yet somewhere where it never goes below 25°C. And I see the pattern emerging. As you can see I’m already considering changing my phone number so winter can’t come calling. Except, unlike the family I no longer am in contact with, winter’s not an asshole. In fact, many folks I know really love it and don’t see it as a time they spend with cold extremities starved for daylight wishing it was over.
So I’m thinking of trying an experiment. I know there are a lot of people who like winter. Perhaps you could help me find a way to enjoy the season. What is it you like about the season? What do you do to make winter enjoyable? Make your suggestions and I’ll give them a shot and report back. (OK, if your suggestions involve “Get on a plane to Cuba sometime in February” I can’t really do that.) Leave your suggestions in the comments and I’ll start putting them into action right away.
Skating!
Last winter was the first time I ever got myself on ice skates (looked pretty pathetic, but I repeated two more times), and this year I plan to take a proper skating lesson or seven. The city of Toronto is giving skating courses on some of the city-owned outdoor and indoor rinks, I should register presto. One thing I need to buy is the helmet, which is a hassle, but it’s gonna be worth it. I can’t wait to be able to skate on the Nathan Phillips Square in the middle of winter, when all the lights on the surrounding towers are on. Can’t. Wait.
1- try to find a winter sport that you enjoy – skiing, snowboarding, etc
2- buy the warmest winter gear you can. Canada Goose makes particularly good coats.
@DTO I did a little skating last year – I’m pretty new to it but had fun. I think I need to buy some skates, though, as I last about 20-30 min on the rental skates before my feet really hurt. And there’s a rink *right* nearby.
@Jennifer: Warm clothes are definitely something I need more of. I have some and they definitely help. I *do* have a bit of an attitude about them, though – almost a resentment for having to put them on in the first place. I think that’ll be easy to get over, though, if I’m actually warm.
So warm clothes and skates. I guess there’ll be a little shopping involved here. Canada Goose…I’ll have to have a look. Seen a bunch of folks wearing them on the subway…
Your first few paragraphs had me going. I was getting pretty tense thinking that you and Sage were having issues! Whew. Just winter… I can live with that.
My advice: Tackle winter with a camera. Peek through the lens and look for the beauty. Find settings that you can compare later with photos of winter, spring, summer, fall. Make it a mission to capture what you detest on film. Or challenge yourself to find the pieces of winter that still make you smile. Make it a project. It’ll pass more quickly.
@Tracy Sorry: I’m a bit evil that way
OK, skates, some warm clothes, and start carrying the camera. I’m liking where this is going.
Well, that took a turn I wasn’t expecting…
Well in retrospect, that *is* hilarious.
And indoors: baking & stews, something you’ve avoid doing in warmer weather. Hot chocolate too, and various other hot concoctions to drink.
You also get more work done — that is the idea — because you’re not out that much.
Xmas holidays! another reason.
For women: you don’t have to shave your legs every gawd-damned morning because you’re not wearing outside anything that requires that kind of grooming. (You laugh, but this one’s pretty big)
Theatre and concert seasons are at their peak. Everything is open, everything is bustling.
When you abandon your bicycle for the season, you return to the TTC where (wait! there’s one good side to it) you can get some reading done while waiting for your stop.
I’m sure I’ll think of more reasons. (And what Camus said.)
I got started skiing a couple seasons back and have been shocked to find myself rooting for snow. I have had a rough relationship with winter since I went pedestrian in NYC in 1996. I’m sad to tell you that returning to a car-based culture has made winter more tolerable. So perhaps rely on the car more than you’d like for a couple months. If it helps, you can find a cool way to do some carbon offsets…
@Julie: Yeah – relying on the car isn’t so much of an option these days. What with not owning a car anymore and all. But relying more on transit and, counterintuitively enough, the bike, will keep me warmer for sure.
Assuming we actually get some snow this year ….
Winter and snowfall transform the city. Bundle up and go for a walk in the park, take some pictures, the barren landscape can be a beautiful and powerful thing. You might find yourself wanting to get a pair of snowshoes and do some real winter exploring.
I have to agree with others here, skating is a real highlight of the season for me. It’s a great way to stay active and beat the winter blahs. Of course I grew up playing hockey, but with the southern Ontario climate I’ve only had a chance to go skating on a frozen pond once or twice. I’d love to go to Cedarena if the weather cooperates at all this year. Skating also makes a great second date story
I don’t like winter either, and long ago I did also. But now it’s just a matter of survival. I’m lucky I get to chose where I spend it. I don’t have to go to an office to work – I work from home and as such I have chosen to live in a building that has a big bay window facing East. It is a place I have chosen in order that I can do just one thing – help myself get through another winters visit. It’s been two years here and so far so good.
I must rise with the sun every morning and make sure I get every minute of the couple of hours of direct sunlight it allows. I and the plants I am husbanding (another part of the mechanism) watch the progress of the celestial cycle that brings more and more light after the darkness of December 21. That and cycling the bike all winter, and daily walks.
It’s like visiting a person everyday that you know just isn’t one of your friends anymore, but you’re pretty sure is trying to kill you! What’s the line? “Keep your friends close; keep you enemies closer.” I’m organizing a snowball fight as soon as the first snow falls. Like Jonah and the Whale – right in there.
Is this all there is of winter? Well no, live goes on, I improve myself – but as far as this sick relationship goes, that would appear to be it.
That is all.
Michael
ok. might be a wee bit late to comment… but save these thoughts for next winter (because, yes, todd, it will be back!).
first, hating it only makes it worse. my 14-yr old daughter has spent the entire winter complaining about how much she hates the cold. and yet has not donned anything warmer than a pair of keds (without laces, laces aren’t cool) and a flimsy fall jacket. yup, no mitts, no hat and no scarf. so step one, as jennifer b suggested, DRESS WARMLY!!! and no, this does not mean you have to get all trendy with a canada goose jacket. you can have a pretty shitty jacket with good warm layers underneath. the secret is in the hat, scarf, mitts (way warmer than gloves) and of course good boots!
next, relax your shoulders (i’m pretty sure you have a tendency to hunch them in the cold) and unclench your jaw. then breathe deeply. and walk slowly. you’ll be surprised how relaxing your body will help you stay warm. yeah i know it sounds a bit flaky and all… but i’ve tried it and it works! then, when you’re good and relaxed… you might actually begin to revel in the exquisite splendour of the winter season.
and that’s it baby! these very simple tricks will help you deal with toronto winters. and if you think your winters are harsh… try coming to montreal in february!!!
claire (your friend annie’s sister)